Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
