I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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