He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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