It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
