he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
