I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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