I got chris browned last night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
