Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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