I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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