It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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