I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
