Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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