I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.