I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
