I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
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Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.