I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
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I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.