can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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