I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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