I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
