I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
