actually, I'm a sock model
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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