And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
