I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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