I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
