He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
