I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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