I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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