He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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