Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
