And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
