Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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