as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
