My cat gives me a boner
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
