He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
