she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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