i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
