hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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