I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
