proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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