My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
