His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
