Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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