just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
