The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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