i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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