You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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