He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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