Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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