i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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