Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
