Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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