God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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