I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
