it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My feet surprised me
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