Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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