I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize