i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment