respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.