i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
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Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.