Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"