remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Green mimosas i think yes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
