I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
