sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
