Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
