first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
