it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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