my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i now understand why vodka
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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