NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
